With all this talk of Disney+ and gradual price hikes at Netflix, a tidal wave of think pieces longing for the days of the DVD is probably on its way to drive us all to drink. Don’t worry, I won’t be among the folks flexing their Harry Potter DVDs and complete collections of Avatar: The Last Airbender on Instagram and Reddit. I’ve got a grand total of around 5 DVDs still left in my entire house.

I present for your amusement, the only physical pieces of media I own.

Spaceballs

My stepfather introduced me to Mel Brooks with his original copy of Spaceballs. This isn’t that copy. My sister bought this one for me a few years ago.

It’s never been opened, mainly because I remember the movie word for word and don’t need to watch the film again to be amused by it. I don’t care what anyone says, Spaceballs One transforming into a maid with a vacuum cleaner to suck the air off Drewidia was a quintessential moment in science-fiction. Also, Lord Helmet is mood.

EuroTrip

No DVD collection of any size is complete without a borderline smutty teen movie. Until recently, this EuroTrip and RoadTrip double feature held that place on my shelf.

I should say, I didn’t actually buy these. They were given to me as a high school graduation present. All that being said, the 2000s teen movie genre holds a special place in my heart. These movies — and American Pie included — taught me the true meaning of watching a movie just because it’s entertaining. Also, censorship is valuable and graduating high school is a perfect excuse to act like an idiot and do hood rat things while you still can. These lessons would come back to aid me again and again in my professional and personal life. I’m kidding.

Knight Rider

From teen movies to boxed sets, let’s talk about Knight Rider.

Pictured are seasons two and three. I lent my dad my Knight Rider season one boxed set a decade ago and have yet to ask for it back because it keeps slipping my mind. I purchased these for myself with my first paycheck ever at 15 years old.

Was Knight Rider an amazing show? Hardly. The plots were formulaic and the stunts were cheesy, even for network television. Also, I’ve yet to figure out why any sane individual would dare rock a leather jacket in the California heat.

Still, the sheer coolness of the setup gets me every time. What if my car could drive itself and a rich benefactor gave me a new face and identity so that I could take down moral dumpster fires who thought they were above the law? I’d do exactly the nonsense Michael Knight is pulling in these episodes: talking to my watch, giving thumbs up to saved damsels and launching my car into the air during high-speed chases to catch criminals. Hell, I may do these things after I publish this even without a rich benefactor just to feel alive.

Desperate Housewives: Season One

Fam, when I tell you Bree Van De Kamp and Gabriel Solis had me looking at life differently, I’m not overstating it. Desperate Housewives was my introduction to Dynasty style drama. To this day, I look back on this show fondly, which is why I still have this first season sitting in my office.

Who knows, maybe that picture of Felicity Huffman on the cover will make it worth something when she ends up serving hard time for that college admissions scandal. Come to think of it, this sounds like exactly the kind of stunt her character would have pulled in the show. I know what my next think piece is going to be on.

The West Wing: Season One

These season one discs of The West Wing are so scratched, so warped that I can assure you they wouldn’t hold out longer than two episodes before freezing. I have no idea where the box they came in is. I haven’t even touched them in at least six years. Even still, I don’t care. They’re never going in the trash.

There is no doubt in my mind that I’d be a much different person had I never watched this show. I first saw it reruns in 2003 when NBC Universal basically turned its entire daytime line-up into The West Wing non-stop block for hours on end. I can trace curtains ways of reasoning, beliefs and even speech patterns to this show. Hell, years later I still believe that, in the words of Sam Seaborne, “Great oratory should blow the doors of the place.”

At some point, I’ll have to buy a digital boxed set of The West Wing. I mean, Netflix won’t want to pay those royalty fees to Warner Brothers forever.

Those are the remaining DVDs in my collection. It’s worth noting that my digital collection is way, way larger than this. What’s in your collection?

Trav in Real Life is a collection of random musings on technology and culture.